So I have been reading Romans and I came across this verse:

1: 19-20 They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

This verse really stuck out to me because recently I have been thinking about my summer plans (I know it is a bit early but I'm excited) and have been really wanting to go out and see the world. I just get excited about seeing new places and new faces because there is so much beauty in our world. And not to go all American Beauty on you but sometimes my heart just can't take all of the beauty in this world. Like the passage says, in all the things God has created you can see his eternal power and divine nature. And part of this means us. humans. God created us and his glory is within us. I have always struggled with self image not just physically but spiritually as well. Sometimes I struggle to see the beauty in my life and instead only see it in others. So this verse was a good reminder that I am a beautiful creation of God. I need to remind myself everyday that God created me for his glory and that when I get down on myself and even hate myself that I am essentially hating the "eternal power and divine nature" of God.

I remember that I once taught a lesson on the golden rule "love your neighbor as yourself." What escapes people (especially myself) is that there are two sides to that. First, to love people. And second, to love yourself. For me self loathe is something I really struggle with while loving people I find is a whole lot easier. In Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, the main character tries to live a life of "reason, purpose, and self-esteem." I believe that that is how I want to live out my life. The culture we live in is constantly wanting us to hate ourselves so that we want to be like other people, that there is always room for improvement, that we are never good enough, and that we will never be complete. Think about it. Companies have made a fortune off of self-help books, pop-culture psychology, and image. We live in a world where not only 20 million American adults have been estimated to have depression but the fastest growing market for anti-depressants is pre-schooled age children. From the youngest age we are taught to hate ourselves.

I say, enough. It is about time we learn to love ourselves. As Shakespeare wrote in Henry V, "Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting."

a life that moves and flows

I could say that I haven't posted because I was busy but the truth is I wasn't. I have been almost afraid to post since I felt like more people are reading this which makes me feel a little nervous. I guess I was nervous because I felt like I had nothing worthy to say or any profound thoughts. However when I realized why I had not been posting I had to laugh at myself because that kinda defeated the purpose of starting the blog in the first place. If I am going to wait around for an epiphany then I might as well put that on the agenda right along with that novel I was planning to write two years ago.

Anyway... on to my thought of the day.

The other day, I was going to take an Advil for my headache and I was too lazy to get up to go to the bathroom to get water or to go to the water fountain outside my dorm. So instead I decided to use the couple sips of water that was leftover from a couple nights ago in my wine glass. (I know. not the most sanitary thing to do) and after I was done swallowing the pill I ended up having to go to the fountain anyway because the leftover water was so stagnant it tasted like liquid dust in my mouth. I thought nothing of it then but today that nasty water I drank got me thinking about my life.

Recently, I have felt completely unmotivated in all aspects of my life. I felt like I could just sit under a bridge for the rest of my life and let others pass me by. And I realized that I have become like that glass of stagnant forgotten water. Water ceases to be drinkable and fresh if it is not moved, flows, or has fresh water being added to it. Today I feel like I have not been adding anything to my life , that I have stopped being moved, and that I have ceased to have my life being stirred up. It is far to easy for me to feel satisfied by sitting under that bridge but when we become comfortable, bored, and lazy in our lives then our lives become stagnant and useless.

I feel like that was my problem with God for awhile. I became comfortable with where I was at spiritually and eventually comfortable leads to boredom and after that we lose the passion and wonder that first led to that relationship with the Father. So I realized that I need to challenge myself and continually feed that hunger for His word and to take those steps in faith. Like bodies of water that are rained upon and continuously move and flow, I need to continuously challenge myself so that I will produce fresh water.