I should really just try and commit myself to posting once every week (and a half) or something because I have problems with posting regularly. Problems that I should seek help for...
So lately, I have been meditating on How our Lord is a God of Truth. This seems like a pretty simple straight forward concept, no? Well, maybe it is me being slow to catch on to things but... I never thought about what that actually mean in practice. If God is truth, what does that exactly mean? I have been learning the answer to that question recently. It seems like in my life and in others that there is a constant struggle between truth and lies. Between the God of truth and the father of lies. So I have been praying a lot recently, asking for God to reveal His truth in my life. His truth of my identity and the truth of his identity.
When I am asking God to reveal truth in my identity, I am asking for Him to show light to reveal the darkness and lies in my life. I feel like I, and many others, grew up with so many lies and liars in my life. Ever since we are children people have tried to deceive us. Tell us that evil done to us or to others is good. People telling us we are worthless, that we deserve nothing, that we are ugly or to settle for something less than what we deserve. And for a long time, I held on to these lies and believed them. But because the God of truth shines light in darkness, we learn that we are precious and beautiful to him. That we deserve the greatest gift He can give: a relationship with Jesus. And Jesus even let's us share in his inheritance.
And so when I ask God to reveal his truth in my identity, I ask him to show me how he loves me and to stop believing the lies I have heard growing up. He instead reveals to us how precious we are to him and to not believe anything different. He shows us that we are worthy, that we do indeed deserve salvation.
Secondly, I have been asking for God to reveal the truth of his identity. The Lord is mysterious and defies explanation and limitation. And I discovered that I had been trying to limit and define God. I try to make him convenient and comfortable. I had tried to come to an understanding.
I was watching one of my favorite show Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations. He was off in India and after he tried fantastic food and failed at playing cricket, he was reciting his ending dialogue. He commented on the poverty in India and how it differs from that of poverty in western states. He said that we try to immediately analyze and comprehend every problem and never appreciate the complexities of issues. I feel like Americans do the same thing to God. Because we do not step back and appreciate the amazing mystery of God and how his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. Instead, I feel like people, including myself, since try to instead create our own version of God to serve our purposes. The mysterious, awe- inspiring God is a little to complex for us to understand so instead we make a God-in-a-box. Shave him down to our size. make him political. make him cute. make him silent. make him angry. make him sexy. All the sudden we have become God's PR agent.
In my case, I tried to make my God whatever the preacher said he was. The church was my God. The people in it. I look back, and I feel like I was worshiping the church instead of God. I was more concerned with what they thought about me and feeling accepted by them instead of God. The problem with putting your faith and hope in the church instead of God is that the church is not perfect. The church is people and people will hurt you and fail you eventually. God will not. He is always faithful and He is perfect.
So, I am asking God to reveal the truth of his identity to me. God doesn't need an agent. He can not be taken down to our level so he doesn't seem threatening. We can't make him a cute cuddly God, or a political angry God who hates everyone but Republican straight white men. God can't be put in a box. And that is what is so wonderful about this truthful, loving,, awe-inspiring, mysterious, and limitless God.
Isaiah 55:8 (New Living Translation)
8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Getting centered
So I know I haven't posted since, I don't know, Christmas-something. And I also know that I should be studying for my 7:30 a.m. exam tomorrow...but I feel like I should do this now because I have finally realized something. Not that I have only come up with one thing to write about since I stopped writing. Quite the opposite, really. I suppose I stopped writing because I felt like no one reads this. But then I realized I am not writing this stuff to be recognized or praised by people but instead to wrestle with my thoughts and hope that by writing them out I will be able to see things more clearly.
Enough of my rambling...
I have rediscovered my deep respect and love for the music of mewithoutYou *(If you have not heard of them, contact me right away! I will hook you up because they will enrich your lives and melt your faces)* And through listening to the lyrics, I realized the major theme in (at least two of) their albums is that of forgiveness. For my Christian walk I always knew that forgiveness is a major component of Christianity but I had always felt like faith was at its center. A belief and trust in God was the center of it. Of my whole existence. But I finally realize that while that is a huge part- it is NOT the center. And honestly, praise God that it isn't! Because at least for me belief, faith, and trust is something I struggle with. Crazy, right? I feel like doubt creeps into my life daily and fully trusting God and having complete faith in my heavenly father is oftentimes hard to do. I want to believe in something tangible. Something I can understand. Something I can define and limit. But the existence of a wonderful, mysterious, and active moving God transcends my understanding. I will never understand his thoughts or his ways. And while I love that about God, it also makes it difficult sometimes to trust such a mysterious and awe-inspiring being. Jesus even talks about if we had just the faith the size of a mustard seed we would be able move mountains. This is just a hunch...but I'm guessing since mountains aren't moving everywhere all the time that I am not the only one who struggles with faith.
And so I finally understand that the center of our Christian faith is forgiveness. My whole relationship with God depends on his grace. It is because he forgives us for all the times we screw up and our foolishness that we have hope. Hope to be able to have a place in his kingdom. Hope to have the life that his grace gives us instead of the death our nature and the world offer us. And through God's grace we may put to death our sinful nature and instead truly live, free.
However, what is interesting about forgiveness is that God's forgiveness is so often tied to us being able to forgive others and ourselves.
"Find a friend and stay close with a melting heart
tell them everything you are most ashamed of-
our parents made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves"
-"the sun and the moon," mewithoutYou
We are called to be like Christ and since at the center of Christ's heart was forgiveness then our hearts should be centered on forgiving others as well. And , for me, it is oftentimes hardest to forgive ourselves for what we have done. I spend so much time dwelling on my past failures it discourages me and tears me apart. God has forgiven me long before I even start to let it go so that I can focus on what is at hand.
Romans 4:7-8
7 “Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sins are put out of sight.
8 Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of sin.”
Enough of my rambling...
I have rediscovered my deep respect and love for the music of mewithoutYou *(If you have not heard of them, contact me right away! I will hook you up because they will enrich your lives and melt your faces)* And through listening to the lyrics, I realized the major theme in (at least two of) their albums is that of forgiveness. For my Christian walk I always knew that forgiveness is a major component of Christianity but I had always felt like faith was at its center. A belief and trust in God was the center of it. Of my whole existence. But I finally realize that while that is a huge part- it is NOT the center. And honestly, praise God that it isn't! Because at least for me belief, faith, and trust is something I struggle with. Crazy, right? I feel like doubt creeps into my life daily and fully trusting God and having complete faith in my heavenly father is oftentimes hard to do. I want to believe in something tangible. Something I can understand. Something I can define and limit. But the existence of a wonderful, mysterious, and active moving God transcends my understanding. I will never understand his thoughts or his ways. And while I love that about God, it also makes it difficult sometimes to trust such a mysterious and awe-inspiring being. Jesus even talks about if we had just the faith the size of a mustard seed we would be able move mountains. This is just a hunch...but I'm guessing since mountains aren't moving everywhere all the time that I am not the only one who struggles with faith.
And so I finally understand that the center of our Christian faith is forgiveness. My whole relationship with God depends on his grace. It is because he forgives us for all the times we screw up and our foolishness that we have hope. Hope to be able to have a place in his kingdom. Hope to have the life that his grace gives us instead of the death our nature and the world offer us. And through God's grace we may put to death our sinful nature and instead truly live, free.
However, what is interesting about forgiveness is that God's forgiveness is so often tied to us being able to forgive others and ourselves.
"Find a friend and stay close with a melting heart
tell them everything you are most ashamed of-
our parents made so many mistakes,
but may we forgive them and forgive ourselves"
-"the sun and the moon," mewithoutYou
We are called to be like Christ and since at the center of Christ's heart was forgiveness then our hearts should be centered on forgiving others as well. And , for me, it is oftentimes hardest to forgive ourselves for what we have done. I spend so much time dwelling on my past failures it discourages me and tears me apart. God has forgiven me long before I even start to let it go so that I can focus on what is at hand.
Romans 4:7-8
7 “Oh, what joy for those
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sins are put out of sight.
8 Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of sin.”
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