Information ( or lack there of)

I decided to stop journaling and and start putting my thoughts on the internet for all (people with internet and time on their hands) to read. I am not going to pretend I have answers or even blog for sympathy. I'm just a confused and pathetic human being and am tired of thinking that I am the only one.

The name of my blog, Life: abridged, means simply what it says: that my life at this moment is incomplete, condensed,deprived, and cut offed. As my favorite author, Chuck Palahniuk, wrote in Fight Club :" You have to realize that someday you will die. Until you know that, you are useless." I am not writing these things to evoke your sympathy, as a cry for help, or even because I am a pessimist. I'm writing this because I realize that my life is too short to not try and wrestle with life's questions, to accept mediocrity, and determine my destiny as just a career choice or relational choice. I just wanted to clear these misconceptions and tell you that my only purpose for this blog (if there is one) is to document my struggle to find passion and purpose in a world that constantly tries to define who I am.


Currently, I am rejecting what I thought my life was about up until now. It has almost been a month since I started at Ohio State and I am learning so much. Something I am not used to being is a student. I mean , technically, I have been a student for most of my life -and yes- I have learned things in school don't get me wrong. However, what I have learned in life has mostly been accidental, forced, or out of obligation. What I have learned in college is almost an Orwellian "unlearning." For instance, the other day when I was trying to explain to Meghan why I have gotten "off track" in my faith for reasons ,up until then, I thought were clever,understandable, sensible, and even irrefutable. ( In the back of my mind, I must admit, I was thinking "well, take that. Bet the bible can't solve that.") But as I was explaining this to her, I realized myself that I sound like a selfish and foolish child.

I grew up always feeling that to be in the "student role" was to be in the inferior role and that in order to "get it" you couldn't be still learning or questioning because to still be learning was to show your vulnerability. But now, I feel like it is ok to be learning, to be questioning, to not be completely comfortable with things. In fact, I am happy to be doing so because I feel like the Pressure is off and I don't need to know all the answers and that is ok with me.