Sitting in a corner with nothing but a grudge

You know that weird dirty kid in your first grade class. Every class has one. That awkward kid that can't seem to do anything right and at recess he raises an earthworm farm that he says he will train for the circus. And it seems like neither his classmates nor his teacher are particularly fond of him or "get him."

I feel like that kid.

Sometimes I feel completely estranged from other people. Sometimes I wonder If I am the only one who finds it extremely hard to find people who, well, like/accept me.
H2O derives their Thursday night group (2/42) from this verse and it has had me thinking. Part of the verse:

"ACTS 2:44 All the believers were together and had everything in common."

Am I missing something? they had everything in common! I can't even imagine an Amish family that has everything in common let alone me with a church group (or any group). Yesterday as I was sitting during Sunday service alone, I was thinking about how it seems like no matter where I go I seem to go alone and I was worried that I may never be able to find real friends in life. And as I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself, the thought finally struck me. Do I even make an effort to reach out to people? Can I even trust myself to find authentic relationships by myself?Like a rhino in a china store, I feel awkward and out of place.

Then the preacher was talking about how we need to be people like Jesus and reach out to the forgotten. Do you ever feel forgotten? I do. After all my sulking, I rose to hurry out of church to go home and continue feeling sorry for myself but as soon as I got up I was immediately swarmed by church people ( and by swarmed, I mean 4 or 5 people.) And I thought "great. more rushed small talk and having them pretend they are interested in my major." But the truth is it made me feel less "forgotten" and they were actually quite conversational.

Anyway, My point is that even though I might have not found the real relationships I am looking for, yet, maybe its good to feel awkward and uncomfotable. I am not looking for comfort or habit. So I am trying a new thing. its called honesty. no hiding of my personality. no concealing of all my emotions. I am throwing my heart out and hopeing that eventually the right people will catch it. This is new for me. For too long, I have only looked for companionship instead of friendship and frankly I'm tired of that. So I'm trying this "honesty" thing and hoping it works out because I am tired of being "that weird kid" This maybe uncomfortable but I think if we get too comfortable in life, we're not doing something right. Don't get me wrong, I'm not just sitting in a corner with my arms crossed scowling and waiting for someone to come up and say "Hi. Let's be freinds." I am just trying to find where I belong. At whatever cost, I will find where it is I belong.